Ben Said:

Why do some parents resort to child abuse?

We Answered:

Some of what you say is true, and I'm glad that you are exploring some of the facets of this complicated behavior.

I too believed that prevention before the fact was better than punishment after the fact. So, in 1973, at the beginning, I became a "professional sponsor" of the first "Parents Anonymous" group in the state. I then became the director of the state-wide child abuse emergency line, and then spent 15 years with the state department of protective services. So Along the way I conducted national and international workshops on chld abuse prevention. So I guess I can say that I have some expertize in this area.

The US Government Accounting Office (now called "Accountability" office, for some reason) studied the fifteen major child abuse prevention programs in the country, and found that Parents Anonymous was not only the best, it was the ONLY program tha stopped child abuse. Period!

Unfortunately, I soon learned (working in the state agency) that the laws and the agencies are set up ONLY to deal with abusive parents AFTER they abuse. You're right..."the law is not capable."

However, it is not a moral problem. Most of the parents I dealt with (several hundred) knew they should not be doing what they did to their kids, and didn't want to. Part of their problem was that, in many ways, they were still (emotionally) children themselves. They needed support and encouragement, and ways not to abuse, AND other ways to deal with their children.

That's what we did in PA that we didn't/couldn't through the state agency.The Law says we can remove children from their parents and put them with strangers, but we can't conduct programs that are known to help parents not abuse in the first place!

So you say, "the parent does not know any other way" and that "it's root is at the lack of education..." Another part of the problem is that they learned what they lived: Abused themselves as children, by parents who were also abused as children, they saw NO reason NOT to continue the cycle. In PA we changed that: We interrupted the cycle so they could start over in new ways!

The education we talked about was learning other ways to get along with their children, deal with them when they "mis"-behaved, and STOP their behavior toward their kids before it got out of hand.

Thanks for your interest in this incredibly important topic, and for the chance to say some things about it. -- Dr. Bob

Steve Said:

Do you think it's child abuse for pregnant women to use?

We Answered:

I think it is. Those people shouldn't be allowed to have kids if they can't have the basic emotion of caring for a child. I think a lot of them don't give their kids a second thought.

The ones that really piss me off are the ones that smoke around their kids, whether it be in a car or a restuarant. You want to kill yourself with cancer...go right ahead but don't take your child with you. No child should start out life with all these kinds of problems because adults only care about their needs.

There are some circumstances where the law should step in. Smoking, drugs and alchol is one.

All I can say to those people. THINK OF YOUR CHILD YOU SELFISH SOB!

I bet you they would be at their kids funeral crying and asking why. Well stupid, your nasty habit and the fact that you were selfish killed your child.

Bringing a child into this world is a major responsiblity. And you should put the childs needs above yours. But all too often I see people cranking out kids like a pez despenser.

It makes me sad. I never ever want to see a child harmed. I consider the things I stated as child abuse and they should be punished.