Kristen Said:

Ohio State University Essay help. Less than 300 words?

We Answered:

Please fix your punctuation and capitalization. If you cannot do simple things like that you will not get in. There is nothing personal about this, if anything it is pretty repetitive and something that admissions officers read a lot of...you want to talk about what sets you apart probably. Please see below for individual comments about specific areas.

"I'm interested in The Ohio State University because it is located near three major cities: Cincinnati, Dayton, where the Wright Brothers were born, and Columbus is the state capital. Another reason why I want to attend The Ohio State University is because it's a prestigious and legendary university where many famous people completed their collegiate academics." <----------------This statement doesn't mean much. You are just sucking up to them, they already know these facts and they are superficial. The applicant readers already know this.

"When I am admitted into The Ohio State University I will pursue my undergraduate degree in Pre-Med. To prepare myself for this field I have taken a lot of science classes. For example, I have taken AP Biology and AP Psychology to learn more about the brain. My ultimate goal is to achieve my PhD and become a Neurosurgeon."<----Don't say "When I am admitted" that sounds pretentious. Say "If accepted, I will pursue..."

"I am considering the Ohio State University." <----This is obvious and a waste of text. Axe it.

"The college has good medical teaching for those who want to go to the medical field. I want to go to the Medical field. My dream is to become an a Neurosurgeon, and I know if I go to the Ohio State University. I will become a good Neurosurgeon with good experience." <----Check your punctuation and spelling. You already stated you want to become a neurosurgeon, delete that.

"As a undergraduate I would like to do Professional program of interest in Pre-Medicine because then I will get more idea how is it working in the Medical field. Ohio State has the largest amount of students coming from different countries to learn,earn a degree, and begin a new career. I would like to do my major on Biology. It closely resembles with the medical field I want to get in. It will also tell me about the human body, I think if I get admitted at the Ohio State University. I would have more opportunities expanding my knowledge in the Medical occult subjects." <-----This whole area seems rough and hurried. Watch out for your punctuation and capitalization.

Erin Said:

Please I beg you people to read my personal statement, what out of 10 can you rate it?

We Answered:

A couple of things, you said 'i have little work experience' that implies you dont have very much, so you might want to change that. Also dont go on too much about football, the uni wont care about it, mention it in passing but dont go on about it( the same goes for which games you like playing). Most importantly you havent said which course you are applying for which is important!
gd luck

Tony Said:

Hey people, this is an update of my UCAS Personal Statement, please read, comment and give corrections if need?

We Answered:

As a very critical University student I have to give this a 2.

I don't know what University's your applying for and I won’t write your ps out again (as It already been done) but I will give you comments.

Firstly don't have words such as "some" in I have 'some' work experience. Don't use words that show a lack of what you have. Just say I have work experience and let them be the judge of how much there is.

You also have a grammar mistakes. Phones really appeals TO me. There also a few other mistakes. Just get someone to look over it with it printed out so they can underline all the little mishaps! It's not a problem. I had a few.. But it does not hurt to have it perfect!

You do not need to list how many UCAS points it is, you can if you think the University admissions teams are idiots, but they should know.

The paragraph on football is not useful to why you want to go to University. I mean If Thierry was applying then maybe, but no. Just say you enjoy football as a sport, watching and playing and say how you will get involved in the University this way.

Your paragraph on leisure is limited. This is your weakest part of your personal statement. It hinders you rather than help. I would word it somewhat like this.

Within my spare time, I enjoy interactive games, specialising in console formats. My favoured genera’s include sports, racing, fighting and adventure based. Moreover my passion for gaming is not limited to just consuming. My goal is to take part in the production of a title, which drives me to the pursuit of Electronic Eng.
I also have an interest in film industry, favouring such genera’s from action to comedy. My favourite however would have to be comic book based movies, such as Iron man.

Something like this. It's not perfect but please if you do anything don't say you want to be Iron man. It makes you sound that you are not mature for the course.

Also a question I would ask if I was in admissions is. Why this course? If you want to do computer games. Why not do computer sciences what is based more on software rather than eng. Which is more on the physical side.

Helen Said:

Does any one have some financial Aid Info?

We Answered:

That "business school" is a for-profit business designed for one thing in mind. To take your money. 14,000 is ludicrous for you have to pay just to get a certificate that won't even be recognized when you go to get a job. Go to the real school and get your associates degree and let Pell cover the cost of all of it. Don't make the mistake of thinking that 14,000 is normal.

EDIT: NotAnyoneYouKnow:
Your answers are well thought out and very inormative, but usually WAY WAY WAY too long.