Jon Said:

How do you like my writing?

We Answered:

- it's good for a 14 year old.
- i wouldn't use I too much. too distracting.
- most of your sentences are simple. i would add some complex sentences. complex sentences combined with the simple ones make the writing better. Good written stories are always interesting :).
- work on better word choices to serve the purpose. (i would give u examples from your story if it wasn't 1:30 in the morning. )
- some of the words can be replaced with more elegant words. a story might be from a perspective of a uneducated teenager but still a couple impressive words here and there work.