Rodney Said:

a fear of dismissive authority figures - what do i do ?

We Answered:

I dont know what to say...

Let me start with the doctor issue.

I dont think it is just you that they are dismissive with, I think it can be anybody. Depending on the doctor you see and the amount of patients they've had, they rarely emote. They look at you as if you are an inconvenience and rarely crack a smile.

It used to bother me until I began working as a Team Leader in an office environment. I understood the drain on your internal resources being surrounded by people could be, I understood the dread upon seeing certain people coming towards you - not because you dont like them but because you know it is going to be difficult, time consuming and something your day could have done without.

I think I hide it better than the doctors do and at least I am aware of doing it.

The hardest thing to realise when you're agoraphobic and therefore paranoid about the world outside your home, is that not everything is about you. I know this because I've been there. If someone laughed in the street my mind would work out a hundred different ways it could have been about me. Its horrible and its debilitating.

The doctor having her head in her hands could have been because she was going through something personal and it got to her at that moment, the phone call could have been the one she'd been waiting for to tell her whether her Mother had pulled through a life threatening illness...

The first step to recovery is recognising the problem - which you have - I think you just have to take it one step at a time, its not all going to be fixed over night (unfortunately) and so there is nothing else you can do.

Seek help, talk about it and try to think of other possibilities to situations rather than assuming the worst - easier said than done, but doable none the less.

Good luck

Jane Said:

a long question but can you advise ?

We Answered:

They are not authority figures. They are just people same as you. They are there to help but you probably make them feel very inadequate. Many members of the public would just put up and shut up so to speak. Or maybe even acknowledge the doctor's efforts to help you within their means.
It's good that you feel the need to curb your outrage and aggression towards them. Your anger is only slowing things down and putting you at the bottom of the list of people to go the extra mile for.
They are probably doing their best and if they come across as aloof it could well be that they feel quite defensive about not being able meet your demands.
Give 'em a break.
They are not out to get you. But your anger makes it hard for them to hear you.